Emerald Shenanigans
by Orangen
Summary: A collection of short one-shots pointing out some of the weirder things in Pokémon Emerald Version. No particular order.
1. Easily Avoided

_Disclaimer_: As usual, idea is mine but Pokémon is not.

_Author's Note_: I'm doing a similar thing for Platinum version, so I was like, hey, why not do this for my other favorite Pokémon game? As with Platinum Shenanigans, these won't be in any particular order, and don't take these as too serious since they're just meant for fun. Again, I'm using myself in place of the female player character, though it's mainly for some fourth-wall-style humor.

**Easily Avoided**

Orangen raised an eyebrow as she watched Professor Birch frantically try to outrun a Zigzagoon. Upon turning sharply, he noticed her and gestured wildly towards the bag sitting several yards away.

"Oh! Please grab a Pokéball out of there and—"

"That thing doesn't even come up to your knees," Orangen interrupted. "Just _step over it_ and walk away."

Professor Birch blinked, and then promptly did as told as the Zigzagoon caught up to him. The Normal-Type proceeded to crash into a tree and knock itself out.

"Hey, that was a really smart idea. You deserve a Pokémon for that."

"Well, if that's all it takes to impress you, I'm certainly not going to object," Orangen replied flatly. "I'll take Mudkip, I guess…"


	2. You Fail Geography Forever

_Author's Note_: While in general I prefer Team Magma, I'll admit that Team Aqua's plan to turn Mt. Chimney into a lake made at least a bit more sense.

**You Fail Geography Forever**

"So… Let me get this straight, Maxie." Orangen put a hand on her hip as she raised an eyebrow. "You want to expand the land by making Mt. Chimney erupt?"

Maxie nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"But this volcano is _landlocked_. You wouldn't be expanding the land at all, and instead you'd be temporarily _destroying_ a bunch of land and sentencing Lavaridge Town — and maybe Fallarbor Town — to a fiery, burning death."

Maxie gave Orangen a blank stare before despondently turning off the machine the meteorite had been hooked up to. In the background, Archie's laughter was somewhat audible, but Orangen and Maxie both ignored him.

"It's okay, buddy," Orangen said, dutifully giving Maxie a pat on the back. "We all fall victim to designated villainy sometimes."


	3. Empty Praise

_Author's Note_: I tend to get way too attached to video game characters, so I always feel guilty when I fight Wally in Mauville City.

**Empty Praise**

Orangen sighed as she withdrew her Nuzleaf and watched Wally walk away. She then turned back towards Mauville Gym, but before she could open the doors, she heard an all-too-familiar voice.

"Hey, Orangen! That was a great battle just now!"

Raising an eyebrow, Orangen turned around yet again to see Scott walking towards her.

"What, you were spying on me?"

Ignoring her, Scott went on. "You're friends with that kid, right? But you didn't go easy on him at all! I love trainers like that!"

Orangen paused before answering. "You think it's awesome that I didn't go easy on some poor little sick kid who only has one Pokémon?"

Scott nodded eagerly.

"Well, great, now I just feel like a huge jerk," Orangen deadpanned.


	4. Lucky

_Author's Note_: Don't get me wrong, I actually like Wally… I just have absolutely terrible luck when it comes to finding the Pokémon I want.

**Lucky**

"Yay! I got my first Pokémon!"

Wally smiled as he picked up the Pokéball that now securely held Ralts. His expression faded when he saw the annoyed look on Orangen's face, however.

"W-what's wrong?" he asked nervously.

"Oh, nothing… I mean, it's nice that they actually attempted to disguise the catching tutorial a bit this time," Orangen sighed. "It's just, I spent over an hour trying to look for a Ralts earlier."

"Um… I could stick around and try to attract another one for you," Wally offered.

"Nah, don't worry about sharing your lucky NPC powers with me. Let's just get on with the plot, here."


	5. Logic

_Author's Note_: Now, this is equally applicable to Team Magma… I already did one of these with them, though, so time to poke fun at Team Aqua instead.

**Logic**

Orangen and Archie scrambled backwards as Kyogre dove underwater, causing a huge wave to crash into the cave's floor. When the water cleared, the legendary Pokémon was gone, and Archie had a look of disbelief on his face. The Team Aqua leader glanced down at the Red Orb in his hands, shaking his head.

"Why didn't that work?" he demanded.

"You know…" Orangen scowled as she tried to wring some water out of her hair. "Maybe Kyogre would have stuck around if you'd gotten the _correctly-colored_ orb!"

Archie raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"That orb is _red_. Kyogre is _blue_," Orangen replied slowly. "Don't you think it would make a bit more sense that the _Blue_ Orb would control Kyogre? I mean, red probably reminds it of Groudon, so maybe that's why it got mad and left."

Archie stared blankly at her for a moment before looking back down at the Red Orb.

"Would this be a legitimate time to say it's not actually my fault? I'm going to say Maxie got to Mt. Pyre before me and took the wrong one on purpose to stick me with this one."

Orangen shrugged. "Hey, whatever makes you feel better, man."


	6. Bait And Switch

_Author's Note_: I don't dislike the Champion switch as much as some people do, but it still kind of came out of nowhere…

**Bait And Switch**

"All right, Steven! My Swampert would like to have a word with you — wait, _Wallace_?"

Orangen cut herself off as she barged into the champion's room. Waiting for her was not Steven Stone, but rather, Wallace, and the blue-haired man had a rather bemused look on his face.

"Hey, there," Wallace replied cheerfully.

Orangen coughed. "Well, that was awkward. I guess this explains why you're not a Gym Leader anymore, but tell me… What's the _real_ reason you're the Champion now?"

"I'm here to troll everyone who picked Torchic because they were expecting Steven, especially if they happened to pick Treecko in Ruby or Sapphire."

"Trying to be creative and change things up is one thing, but this is kind of ridiculous," Orangen sighed. "Oh, well, let's just do this already."


	7. Speed Biking

_Author's Note_: I dislike the Mach Bike puzzles, as I have no reflexes of which to speak.

**Speed Biking**

"Okay, this is a short path. I can do this."

Orangen sighed as she looked at the cracked floor of the Mirage Tower. She really wanted to get the Claw Fossil, so she hoped it wouldn't take her too long to get to the tower's top floor.

Getting on her Mach Bike, Orangen quickly got up to speed… and then crashed into a rock when she tried to turn. Thus, the ground collapsed, and she fell down to the previous floor.

Muttering under her breath, Orangen went back up to the next floor, got on her bike again, and tried to cross the cracks. She promptly crashed at the exact same rock and once again fell through the ground.

Finally, after at least five or six more tries, Orangen managed to turn in time and successfully managed to get to the next floor. Despite the fact she was covered in bruises from falling so many times, Orangen gave herself a pat on the back as she walked up the ladder. That could have been worse, after all.

Naturally, upon getting to the next floor, the first thing Orangen saw was another series of cracked floor tiles. She looked at the ground in despair for a moment before turning around and leaving.

"Forget this, I'm not going to hurt myself over a fossil," she grumbled.


	8. Complicated

_Author's Note_: I considered mentioning Feebas in Platinum Shenanigans, but since Feebas debuted in third gen, I figured it was better suited for this one.

**Complicated**

"Okay, Pokédex says Feebas is on this route…"

Orangen grinned as she closed her Pokédex and put it back in her bag. Then, she pulled out her fishing rod and cast it into the water. Fortunately, she got a bite after a few seconds… And she pulled up her line to reveal a Magikarp.

Sighing, Orangen threw the Magikarp back and started fishing again. Soon, she pulled out yet another Magikarp.

After a dozen more Magikarp and a couple of stray Tentacool, Orangen was about to give up. Frowning, she pulled out her Pokédex again to make sure she wasn't mistaken. Sure enough, it did in fact say Feebas was on Route 119.

The fisherman on the other side of the river happened to look up and notice Orangen as she started grumbling under her breath.

"I found mine over there," he called, gesturing towards a spot in the middle of the water.

"…You mean they come on specific spots?" Orangen replied blankly.

"Yep," the fisherman answered.

"_When_ have they ever done _that_ before?"


	9. Complicated II

_Author's Note_: Maybe I could have added this to the last one, but I thought the punch lines would work better if I kept the chapters shorter.

**Complicated II**

Orangen grumbled incessantly as she checked her Feebas's level. She'd attached her Experience Share to the Water-Type, hoping he would evolve with enough level-ups. Unfortunately, Feebas hadn't evolved yet; he was currently level 32 and apparently no closer to becoming a Milotic.

She then checked Feebas's nature, and upon noticing he was Quiet-natured, an idea struck her.

"Maybe I can at least use him in contests…" Orangen pondered. "I know Quiet natures prefer dry Pokéblocks, so…"

Orangen entered Lilycove City's contest hall and mixed herself a few Pokéblocks. After feeding them to Feebas, she approached the counter and entered him in a Beauty contest. Thankfully, she managed to win all four ranks fairly easily, and left the building in a slightly better mood.

"At least Feebas did well at something. Might as well go level up some more now."

She walked over to Lilycove's shore and pulled out one of her fishing rods. After a few battles, Feebas got enough experience points to level up again, and suddenly…

_Congratulations! Your Feebas has evolved into Milotic!_

"…What?" Orangen blinked at the Pokémon in front of her. "What just happened?"

Orangen tried to run through a list in her head. Maybe Feebas did evolve through level-up? No, that couldn't be right; 33 seemed like a strange level for evolution… It couldn't be happiness evolution either, since she knew Feebas's happiness had been pretty high for a while now…

"Wait a minute," Orangen thought aloud. "I just entered a contest, and he suddenly evolved. It can't be _Pokéblocks_, can it?"

Milotic simply nodded at Orangen, and she felt her jaw drop in response.

"You mean I did that through sheer dumb luck? How in the world was I actually supposed to figure that out?"


	10. Dive

_Author's Note_: It's been a while since I've done one of these, so I may as well write about one of the more nonsensical HMs… Dive _is_ pretty cool, but, man, are the physics brain-breaking.

**Dive**

Orangen held on to her Swampert tightly as he dove underwater. She'd just gotten the Dive HM and the appropriate badge, so she was eager to try it out.

After a few minutes of swimming around, Orangen and Swampert came across a wild Clamperl. Figuring now was as good a time as any for some extra level-grinding, Orangen sent out her Camerupt. Sure, she was really weak against Water-Types, but she could always switch out if something went wrong.

"Okay, use Flamethrower!"

Camerupt nodded and luckily got a critical hit, increasing the damage for the normally not very effective attack. Clamperl responded with a Whirlpool, unfortunately doing quite a bit of damage. Pausing, Orangen considered whether or not she should switch after all or just use a Hyper Potion, but then something else occurred to her…

"Wait, how did you use Flamethrower _underwater_?"

Orangen raised an eyebrow at Camerupt. To her credit, Camerupt looked just as confused as her trainer did.

"Also, how am I even talking right now?" Orangen went on. "And how are we _breathing_?"

Promptly, Orangen and Camerupt started choking on all the water. Swampert panicked and grabbed the two of them, swimming up to the surface as fast as he could.

Meanwhile, Clamperl just sighed and hopped away; all of the trainers he'd seen who hadn't _thought_ about it had gotten through the underwater areas just fine.


End file.
